Don't let perfectionism win

It’s come to my attention recently that I’ve been overthinking what I write about.

It feels like everything that could possibly be said has been said already.

Sure, I write about my months — What I’ve watched, read, yada, yada, yada. But, it all feels so surface(y). It’s not changing anyone. It isn’t saving lives or getting recognition with awards. Not that I do it for that anyway, but you get the idea.

And, lately, I’ve felt it on my heart that I just need to be honest.

I came across an old blog from when I was working with a fitness trainer. Those were honestly some of my best days. Because it was almost as much of a therapy session as it was about my physical health.

I remember talking to one of my trainers, Mary, about some of my goals. I was struggling with something similar when it came to posting content and sharing my writing.

Here’s what I wrote.

“I told her I've been stuck. I've been a blogger off and on for the past seven or eight years, but I still feel like I haven't found my niche. For awhile, it was country music and entertainment, and now I'm just not really sure if that's all I want to talk about. I still love it, but I feel as though I've expanded on life experiences and other interests. Or I really love one blog platform, and then I get bored and start another one.

My perfectionism kicks into high gear and I'm all or nothing. I sit on ideas and fill notebooks with them.

Mary said she's been reading Gary Vee, a social media guru and motivational speaker and rattled off some great points he's made about social media and audiences and the like.

But what stuck with me was..."be authentic."

Hmm...It isn't necessarily about the platform, but about being authentic.”

Somehow, about seven years have passed, and I’m back to feeling that. I guess it isn’t necessarily something that’s just *cured* one day. It’s something you constantly have to work through.

My issue is that I get fired up about something, pour my heart and soul into it for several hours one night, work on it for a few days (maybe weeks, and so on), then I slowly lose interest. Or I see what other people are doing on the internet and think I just need to forget about that thing and start over. It’s why I’ve had a million blogs, a million Instagram accounts for various things and struggle to finish one solid project because my ideas are a-plenty, but my focus is not.

All of this to say, that through all these feelings, I’ve tried to power through. To keep showing up for myself and for others.

“I wish I felt like the Instagram version of myself all the time. The one who's in Los Angeles a lot, living her best life on one of those typical sunny California days at a Dodger game or a movie studio. You know, when I have my best outfit on, I'm laughing with my friends, my hair looks great and I'm just the right amount of witty, inspirational, insightful and creative in one tiny square.

But, I'm not.

You don't see the days like today, where I overslept and had to rush to get ready, grab my things and head out the door.

Or the days when I just don't feel like talking to anybody, because I'm introverted by nature and do just fine on my own.

The days I'm unmotivated and don't want to work on a project I've been talking about forever.

When I can't seem to speak up enough on issues that matter to me.

When the guy I'm interested in isn't interested.

Or when I get into an argument with my parents about something stupid that doesn't matter five minutes from that point.

When I get annoyed with the dumbest things and turn it into a huge ordeal. Or that I let my anxiety get in the way of most good things.

When I'm just a flat out hot mess, who can't seem to get it together.

I want to show the parts of my life that aren't always so pretty, but that's hard. I want to show those "unedited" photos (unlike the one I've posted above). I want to be real. Because life isn't this glamorous movie reel all the time, no matter how much I wish it was. So this is me trying. This is me taking a step and trying to share my heart. To share my life...Not just the times that I get to go to a Hollywood movie premiere, but when things are messy and don't always make sense. There's power in sharing.

It ain't always pretty, but maybe that's the beauty of it.”

I subscribe to a lot of content creators on Instagram and Substack. I see them post random quips and quirks about their days, from the walk they took to the shows they’ve been watching. Some talk about their adolescent days or being a parent or falling in love with their spouse.

Much like a journal, your blog is a reflection of you. Is there really a right or wrong way to express or tell the story of your life? No. So, I’m not sure why I feel like I have to set this incredibly high standard for myself.

I’m going to write honestly. I’m going to talk about the hard things — like being single and how hard it is to be the only one without a date to the fifth wedding you’re attending of a friend. Or how it feels when you thought your life was going one way with a dream to having it totally derailed and finding yourself backpedaling a bit.

And then there’s the really good things, like those late nights hangs with your friends that don’t happen super often, but when they do, it just hits that sweet spot where everything feels right in life. Or when you look out at the ocean and feel small in the grand scheme of life. Or a cup of coffee you tried in a new city that changed your life (just kidding…But not?). There’s a lot of good out there to taste and witness.

We say it all the time, and we know in our heart of hearts, but comparison gets us nowhere. If we’re trying to imitate what everyone else is doing, the world is missing out on us, and the missing piece we bring to the table. We all have something to offer.

-Shelby